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The following review is unsponsored. These are my feelings about the book and its contents, not the author themselves although background information about them may be included. This review may include profanity. This review will begin with a brief summary, followed by some vocabulary words I learned along the way, and finish with reflections on direct quotes and/or answers to book club questions (if available from the author).
This book review will also include my Amazon affiliate links which, if you choose to purchase from said links, I will earn a small commission at no extra cost to you!
Rating system:
To find out what else I plan to read this year, check out my TBR list 2024 for some inspiration and conversation.
Old Thot Next Door by Quan Millz
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Summary: 
This book is intended for mature audiences.
Ms. Vernita is a 76 year old woman always looking for some fun…in the bedroom! She doesn’t let anyone or anything stop her from getting what she wants, even herself. This book is the epitome of raunchy and ratchet, honey. Quan Millz gives a very clever story that leaves you wondering how an old woman like her could cause so much trouble.
This urban fiction also doubles as a murder mystery as well - is Ms. Vernita a cold-blooded horny killer? Or is she a victim of the medical and justice systems that allowed her to fall through the cracks? By seeing her perspective in addition to the detective on the case, you may find yourself connecting the dots or…lead astray.
Truly an extremely clever way to connect comedy and mystery genres - I couldn’t help but laugh the whole way through! The more I got to know her story, I certainly had nothing but respect for her. I would not follow in her footsteps, but she’s made very unpredictable and hilariously dangerous decisions! Check out my TikTok review here!
I firmly believe that if you can make it through the first chapter without cringing, you’d probably stick around for the rest! It gives shock value at 100%.
“Ms. Vernita just loved her some roughneck street niggas. Straight out of jail, too! I want that first post-release nut!”
Ma’am I just really hope somebody matches your freak. If she was a man, I bet everyone would have treated him differently. She refers to herself in third person quite a bit, fair warning!
“Life is too short to be caught up on how people think of you. You gotta do you, child! Shit, you got one life to live! Live it to the fullest.”
I ain’t mad at it!
“All I want is dick and that’s it! And not no old, limp, need-five-Viagra, shrimp dick either! That man probably can’t even see his dick either! His stomach so big, nigga look like he pregnant with triplets!”
Alice was trying to do her good sis a favor by setting her up with a man closer in age…and clear Ms. Vernita ain’t like that one! This book gave me so many new ways to talk shit - I didn’t even realize I needed to step up my game. Need another example?
“Baby, if yo fat ass hang-up on me, I swear on my dead husband’s grave I’m gonna come up there and snatch that cheap ass dollar store wig off your neck! NOW PUT DR. JACKSON ON THE FUCKING PHONE RIGHT FUCKING NOW!”
I wish I knew what this receptionist did to deserve this because Ms. Vernita did not hold back from laying down the law! She is the literal poster board for “I don’t give a fuck about none of that shit!”
I don’t want to give spoilers because the shock value was EVERYTHING to me in this one. I must say, that scene where she gets kicked out of the gym? I’ll never forget that. Craziest thing I’ve ever read LMAO.
Quan Millz is a master of comedic timing. I added This Hoe Got Roaches in Her Crib to my TBR list of 2024 in case I need a good laugh! I definitely did not know what I was getting into, and had very low expectations before reading. Some delicate, easily offended minds should steer clear. I don’t mind a little ratchet humor, honey!
Have you read this, or planning to? Let's talk about it! Leave a comment below and engage in the conversation.
